The TV producer wanted bruises, something that would show. Ginger had none, not that day. Five years earlier she’d had nothing purple to show the preacher who told her to go back home. Nor any red marks for the policeman who needed visible evidence before he could make an arrest.

Abuse, to some people, means black eyes, broken teeth, bald patches. But abuse takes many forms. Abuse is about control and some means of control are subtle. Who goes through the mail? Who makes money decisions? Who keeps the money? Intimidation, isolation, verbal abuse—these leave no telltale signs but their pain can be just as damaging as physical abuse and take longer to heal.

Ask Ginger McNeil, whose story is told in As the Sycamore Grows. Her husband slapped and shoved but isolation and economic abuse were his mainstays. She lived with him in a two-room cabin hidden behind a padlocked gate without power, a telephone, or even a mailbox. She made her own soap, canned chickens and cooked catfish soup on a wood stove to feed her children. Then he bought a Jet Ski—with his disability check. Even poverty can be a means of abuse when it allows one person to control another.

“Verbal abuse is insidious,” says Patricia Evans in The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Name calling, sarcasm, criticizing, teasing, withholding—all disregard or devalue a partner. They can diminish self-esteem and confidence to the point of brain-washing.

Again Ginger provides an example. She was religious. Her husband was not—until he discovered the power of the Lord as a means of control. By that time, he was able to convince Ginger to pray to God through him.

Once gaunt and malnourished, now Ginger knows the warning signs. She knows that abuse always escalates. Verbal abuse always precedes physical abuse.

Wounds to the heart and soul may not leave outward marks. Hang in there long enough and the color purple will show.

Let’s Talk is where you come for that second cup of coffee, when maybe you have something on your mind or maybe not. Maybe you just want to be alone, your mind a blank screen for whatever might pop up. Or maybe you’re not quite awake yet.

When you read Let’s Talk doesn’t matter. What Ginger and I have in mind is a chat with readers—your questions about As the Sycamore Grows, to Ginger about growing up in a strict religious home, to me about why I wrote the book or my views—or about whatever comes to your mind.

Such as this review a reader posted on Amazon:

After reading this book, I realized that I was not the only person who had experienced the things that Ginger lived through, from her upbringing in the church to her ultimate dismissal from it. Ginger could have been my sister, or even my mother for that matter. I admire her courage to share her story with the world. While some people may be able to relate to certain parts of the book, most people cannot understand the totality of what Ginger lived through, and still must live with daily. I highly recommend reading the book twice, taking pause for consideration of what might seem insignificant the first time you read it. Ginger’s story has opened my eyes to some personal issues that I have put aside for many years, and I thank her for that.

Thanks, rholden, for speaking up. I’ll bet there’s a broad sisterhood of people who’ve lived similar experiences. It helps to know you’re not alone.

If other readers want to carry on this conversation, this is the place to do so. Just take care if you’re in a bad situation—don’t post your real name or give away identifying information.